The Non-Date – Survived by A

WHO: Someone we will call John Doe, an old friend of my ex-husband

WHAT: NOT a date. Or so I thought. I told Sarah about this non-date before I went and she said, “Yeah, that is definitely a date.” She might have been right.

WHEN: Summer 2015

WHERE: A local bar on Phinney

WHY: Because he reached out to me after I had recently separated from my husband of 14 years. I thought it was nice to hear from an old friend who was technically friends with my ex.  And apparently because I am totally clueless that most guys don’t want to just be my “friend”.

THE NON-DATE
I had recently separated from my husband of many years and had been embracing all opportunities to connect with old and new friends. This guy John had reached out to me, and I thought it was nice that a friend of my ex still wanted to be friends with me. I didn’t want to have to divide our friends like we did with our kitchen utensils when we split.

So I went. I suggested we get a beer, because…well…that’s what I do with friends. John has always been a “special” friend of ours. He is in his early 30s but has never had a real job, lives with his parents, has no driver’s license because he’s had too many DUIs, and he definitely called me from his parents’ land line because they are “assholes” and took his cell phone from him.  Painting the picture of a real winner here. Thus my stance on the fact that this is ABSOLUTELY NOT A DATE!!!  

So why would I even go have a beer with this loser?  Well this is a guy I’ve put up with for years despite all of the above because he’s a nice person and we’ve been friends for 15 years. At least that is what I kept trying to tell myself. I was just being an accepting and non-judgmental person, right?

I plan to meet with him after work on a sunny weekday. He asks me to pick him up. I agreed, not exactly surprised that he didn’t have a car or any means of getting around. We go to the bar and each order a beer. I start out by asking him if he’s seen my ex recently because they had been friends for years and I was curious to know how my ex was doing. He told me he hadn’t seen him and had no intention of ever seeing him again because he’s a “bad influence.” I know my ex is my ex for many reasons, but a bad influence on THIS guy?  Not a chance.  He makes plenty of his own poor life decisions on his own.

This was my first red flag.

The waitress brings our beers and I continue with the small talk. He then tells me that he is trying not to drink any more. Um… ok. Why would you agree to go get a beer with me if you’re trying to be sober?

I felt like a douchebag for taking an alcoholic out for beers.  But oh well.

We proceeded to drink our beers and slowly some very uncomfortable compliments start flying my way. He starts with things like “You look nice today,” and “I like your dress.” Ok, simple enough. I say “thank you” and continue with the small talk.  And then it continues.  He professes his love for me and tells me how attracted he is to me. He goes on to compliment my earrings, my purse, and other things that don’t really deserve any kind of compliment.  

It’s getting awkward.

The compliment that really put me over the top was, “Wow, you have really nice wrists.” Seriously? My wrists? It just got weird. Blatantly commenting on my tits would have been less awkward.

I should have called it a day and just left, but no, I’m not that smart. Still giving this creepy guy the benefit of the doubt. Oh, past A. I didn’t order another beer for very obvious reasons. I think we each paid for our own beers, and then he asks if I want to take a walk. I say OK and we take a short walk to the park and smoke a cigarette.  He continues to pour on the very strange and unwarranted compliments.

We sit on a bench at the park while I try to figure out how to get rid of him. I lie and say I need to meet up with a friend in Everett. He decides that’s the perfect time to make his move, and he puts his hand on my leg. I physically remove it and tell him that this is never going to happen, we are just friends and will never be anything more.

I felt like I was scolding a young child for not keeping his hands to himself on the playground.

I finally took him home. For the next several months he kept calling me. Luckily he couldn’t text me because he still had no cell phone. What a winner.

I inadvertently answered one of his calls one day thinking it was someone else, so I figured it was the right time to tell him he needed to stop contacting me. He didn’t stop, but I just continued to ignore his calls.

And he didn’t do anything too disturbing until October rolled around. As I was leaving a bar after having a girls evening out with some fellow bloggers and single lady friends, he is there, outside on the sidewalk. Perhaps a coincidence, but also perhaps a very creepily planned out stalking move. The funny part is that I had just told this story to the girls no more than 2 hours earlier.  

They all realize that this is THAT guy and they all try to pull me into the bar next door to protect me from this crazy-ass weirdo who just happened to be outside at the exact moment we were all leaving the bar. Of course instead of hiding from him like a smart person, in my typical fashion (and bravery fueled by a few drinks), I stayed outside and talked to him. Again, it was like scolding a small child. I told him that he can never contact me again. Amazingly, I haven’t heard from him since.

I guess my lesson learned is that just because I’ve known a person for 15 years doesn’t mean they aren’t going to turn into a total creep and pounce on the opportunity of hitting on a newly single woman with really nice wrists.