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This one is hard for me.
I am posting the following story in it’s entirety the way I originally wrote it. Though the man in this story and I are no longer together, I wanted to post a story of hope for all those struggling singles out there. Or maybe I wanted to remind myself of the hope I found when I met this guy that I was so desperately needing. I will always remember our short time together as one of the best love affairs of my life.
What follows is the story of our first date, which lasted about 13 hours. Our second date lasted 3 straight days, but I’m keeping that story and everything that followed for myself. I reference photos in the following story, however I’m now leaving those out because I want to honor his privacy. I have also left his name out for the same reason.
This man made me feel joy in a way I never have before. For a brief but beautiful time he made me feel loved unconditionally, made me happier than anyone ever has, and made me laugh harder than I ever have.
And he made me feel whole. Something I haven’t felt since my mom died almost 10 years ago.
Though I’m still reeling from the unraveling of our relationship, there is a small amount of comfort in knowing that there are actually people out there who can understand and love me just the way I am. Even though sometimes it doesn’t work out the way I thought it would.
When I originally wrote this months ago, I had intended this story to be my last first date story for this blog. He and I were both convinced we had found our forever people in each other.
Unfortunately it looks like there will be more first date stories, but I still wanted to post this. Because for a while, it was like a fairy tale. Like a movie. Like a dream I never wanted to end.
Maybe if I am very very lucky I will one day get to experience this kind of love again.
So enjoy, my friends. There is hope.
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WHO: Navy guy
WHAT: My second Plenty of Fish date. At this point I had zero hope I would ever find anyone.
WHEN: As I mentioned last week, this date was originally planned for Friday the 13th, but then rescheduled for Sunday the 15th, 2015 due to some idiot getting a DUI.
WHERE: Pike Place, Seattle WA
WHY: Because I was losing hope and feeling depressed and terrible about myself after a failed replacement date Friday night (see last week’s post). But somehow, I still wasn’t ready to give up.
THE DATE
Sometimes, we all need a little hope. This story doesn’t fall along the lines of what I normally post. This one is the game changer. This one is good and not in the normal hilarious way. This one is good in the so-cute-it-will-make-you-throw-up-in-your-mouth way. And after all the idiots I’ve been on so-called dates with, I deserved to find a good one. And I finally found him.
But the day of our date didn’t start out great for me. I’d been depressed all weekend. I was still sad we hadn’t been able to meet up on Friday as originally planned because I was oddly excited about this guy. I’ve been excited about boys before only to be epically let down, but I had a feeling about this one. After emailing back and forth a bit, he said “If you don’t think it too forward of me, I invite you to my text machine” and sent me his phone number. Adorable. He was kind and seemed genuinely interested in me and my life. He was responsive and sweet, and did I mention tall and attractive and employed and hilarious? He hit all my requirements, and I was strangely sort of falling for him without even having met him yet.
As I mentioned last week, I’d popped a crown off my tooth Friday night while flossing ice cream almonds out of my teeth after the lame Superstar evening. So I had to make an emergency dentist appointment for Sunday morning, which I knew was going to be costly. I had my aunt, uncle, and cousin over for dinner Saturday night in an attempt to keep myself from spiraling. I was feeling so lonely in Seattle. I don’t have that many people I know here and the few I do were all busy with their own lives. I didn’t have any single friends here either, so I was constantly a third wheel. That starts to get to a person. I’d been single since 2008 and I was done.
Sunday morning I went in to the dentist and as I expected, it was a few hundred dollars. All they had to do was stick cement in and jam the crown back in my mouth, but whatever. I have had some traumatic dental experiences in the recent past, one of which resulted in me having to have a tooth pulled because the dentist fucked up a root canal.
So on Sunday when the dentist stuck the crown back in, I wanted to make sure it was done correctly and well. I could feel a gap between the bottom of the crown and my gums and I questioned her about it. She said, “There’s no gap, it’s fine” and walked out. She’d acted like I was a complete inconvenience from the moment I arrived, and she’d spent the minimum amount of time with me that she possibly could. Instead there was a hygienist doing most of the work, who the dentist also seemed annoyed by.
I insisted there was a gap and I told her it was so big I could hook my fingernail in it. I told her I’d had problems before and just wanted to make sure it wasn’t going to now cause me to get a cavity underneath it or something. She got mad, I got sad. I was crying silently in the chair as she jammed her fingers back in my mouth and berated me about how I was making it up and lectured me about how cavities don’t form overnight.
After she stormed out I explained to the hygienist that I wasn’t trying to be difficult and told her about my past dental experience through choked sobs. I paid my bill and asked where the bathroom was. I was losing my shit. I walked into the bathroom and slammed my whole body into the tile wall face first and sobbed. I cried because I was so alone. I cried because I missed my mom. I cried because I didn’t want to be brave anymore. I cried because I couldn’t fix any of those things and the dentist was mean and my sister was far away and it was raining outside and I couldn’t face one more bad date.
Luckily for me, I didn’t have to.
And here’s where things get good.
After feeling sorry for myself on the couch for most of the rest of the day binge watching The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt on Netflix, I checked in with Navy guy. I texted, “Still on for tonight?” I was secretly hoping he had another reason to cancel so I could continue circling the drain for the rest of the day. But he told me we were definitely still on and that he was “pumped.”
I hauled myself off the couch and showered off the sad. It was absolutely dumping rain outside but I tried my best to look nice anyway. This guy I was about to meet was out of my league in both fitness and attractiveness, so I assumed it would be a short evening. Why would he be into me?
Nevertheless, my hopes were sort of high.
I hopped on the bus and headed downtown with plans to meet him at Pike Brewery. He’d never been and it was right next to the infamous gum wall which he said he had also never visited. He texted me that he was on the ferry and asked if I would be up for a slight change of plans. He suggested The Alibi Room, which was in the same general location, then an improv show around the corner afterwards.
I always like to have an out when I go on these dates, which is why I book so many of them for weeknights. Being able to say, “Oh I have to go because I have to work in the morning” is really helpful when you’re stuck with someone you dislike.
So I was hesitant to agree to too many activities. What if I didn’t like him? What if he wasn’t funny and then I was stuck not laughing with him at the show? But I was already pretty sure I liked this guy, so I went with my gut and said I was in. I mentioned I thought we needed tickets in advance for the show, but he said, “I got them already in case you said yes.” I’ve never had anyone do something like that and plan a date ahead of time for me, so I was beginning to swoon.
I arrived at the restaurant and promptly ordered a beer. I was slightly early and he had texted me to let me know the boat was running a little late. I needed the beer to help calm my nerves. Why was I so nervous? I used the extra time to attempt to dry off and look presentable again, as it was like a floodgate in the sky had opened up outside. Not cute.
He texted me that they had docked and he would see me soon. I grew more and more nervous with every person that walked in the door and then finally, there he was. I grinned like an idiot because he was even cuter than I expected, and I waved. I tried to stand up as he walked over but got too excited and in my “endearing” awkward Sarah way, I jumped up too fast, smacking my hand under the edge of the table and almost flipping the whole thing over.
I blushed and grinned as I looked up at him, when I noticed he didn’t have a hood or an umbrella and was completely drenched. “Oh hi, you’re all wet!” was the first thing I ever said to him. I don’t remember that part because I think I blacked out with feelings for him, but he told me that’s the first thing he ever heard me say and he will never forget it. He took his glasses off and asked if I minded if he went to the bathroom to dry off. I said of course not and off he went.
I sat there grinning like a total moron until he came back. I had been the one to contact him first online, and my opening line had been, “Hi, I really like your glasses.” He had told me in response, “That was actually the best thing you could have said to me, and I mean that.” So when I saw him in person in those glasses I just about lost my shit. He was adorable.
He came back from the bathroom slightly drier and he didn’t mind that I’d started drinking without him. He asked what beer I was drinking and when I said it was delicious, he said he trusted my taste and just asked the waitress to bring him whatever I was having.
We talked and talked and talked and it was awesome. We discussed getting a pizza and I tested him with my pineapple on pizza question, which he passed with flying colors (pineapple is the best topping and if you don’t think so you’re wrong). He was so very funny, he was charming, he was not cocky or overbearing, he hated black olives as much as I do, and he was a good listener. He was genuinely interested in what I had to say and getting to know me, and vice versa. I told him “the story about my parents” pretty quickly because he made me feel so comfortable, and all I wanted to do was be honest with this person forever. And also, did I mention he was so cute?
He told me about his family and losing his dad at a young age. He is from Connecticut and every time he talks about it he slips into this slight East Coast accent that kills me. I love it.
After dinner we went outside to the gum wall and he took my photo because I said I hadn’t taken one there yet. He confessed he had actually been there the night before with some coworkers and had already taken his photo. I smiled and said, “We should take one together,” and look at the result:
PHOTO
We may be slightly inebriated, but look at how damn happy I look. I haven’t seen that girl in such a very long time.
We went next door to the improv show and it was basically empty, so we sat really close to the stage. Considering we’d each had three beers at dinner and are both pretty snarky, that proximity may have been a mistake. The show was, in a word, terrible. It was the student show and there were about 6 people in the audience aside from us, all of whom we were convinced must have been family members of the people performing. The improvisors took one suggestion at the beginning of the show, which coincidentally was pineapple and not suggested by us, and they used that one topic for the entire hour-long show. The “skits” got pretty dark at times and remained fairly horrible throughout.
But I had the best time at that terrible show. Apparently he and I can have fun doing anything.
We whispered heckles to each other and made judgey comments, and all the while our arms and legs were touching. I’m sure everyone could hear us as I’m not known for my ability to be quiet while inebriated, but I didn’t care. We were touching arms and legs and it was all I could focus on and it was electric.
I was so excited. He liked me back.
From the moment I met him, I couldn’t remember what life was like before him. Everything changed and I could feel the shift. I was happy. I’d found someone important.
After the show neither of us were ready to say goodbye, so we headed next door to Pike Brewery. My coworker’s husband works there, and she had just taken me the weekend before for the first time. It was then that I had discovered they make a triple IPA that is basically the best beer I’ve ever had while also boasting an astounding 11% alcohol. Amy told me I had dangerous taste in beers and I jokingly said, “If I ever have one of those on a date, I’ll probably immediately have a boyfriend.”
Fast forward to my date with Navy guy, who’s name is NAME by the way. Quick side note. When I’d asked him his name via text because it wasn’t on his POF profile, he responded with “NAME!” He was so excited about his own name that he used an exclamation point. I thought it was so adorable I included the exclamation point when I put his name in my phone. Now whenever I get a message from him, it’s super exciting!
Anyway, I’d told him about the 11% beer and he was up for the challenge, so we each ordered one. He asked if I liked dessert and I told him about the separate dessert stomach I’m convinced I have. He has an equal fondness for dessert, so he ordered us ice cream to go with our beer. When the server asked what flavor we wanted, we sort of stared at each other and he told the waiter, “Let’s do all three.” My hero.
We talked about everything and nothing and never ran out of things to say. My face hurt from all the smiling and laughing. We had another beer and he showed me a short 911 video he made for the Navy. I teared up as I watched it. He was talented to boot.
I’m not sure how it came up, but somewhere around 9:30pm and our second 11% beer, we decided it would be a great idea to take the ferry out to Bremerton where he is stationed. We both didn’t want the evening to end but we both had to work the next morning. We ordered a third 11% beer each and checked the ferry schedules. We decided we could take a 10pm ferry out to Bremerton, walk around a little, and then he said he would ride back with me to Seattle because he didn’t want me to have to ferry alone. This would basically give us like 5 minutes in Bremerton in between the two ferries, but neither of us seemed to care. He was then going to take the last ferry back to Bremerton a little after midnight after leaving me safe in Seattle.
Keep in mind, each of these ferry rides lasts about one hour.
At this point, this gentleman had paid for everything. Dinner, improv, drinks, and dessert. I was being wooed and it was new to me, but 100% working. It had finally stopped raining and we walked down to the ferry. There was a huge puddle in the street and as we crossed he held his arm out for me, guiding me around the puddle. We now call that spot “our corner,” and he has claimed that he “saved my life from that puddle.”
If you haven’t taken a break to vomit yet, go ahead. I’ll wait.
We walked arm in arm to the ferry. He bought us tickets despite my protests that he let me pay, and we sat out in a partially covered section of the boat so we could be alone and have some fresh air. We sat so very close to each other and we became Facebook friends. We showed each other our photos and filled each other in on our friends and adventures.
About halfway through the boat ride, he says something like, “Know what we should do?”
I say, “Make out?”
And he looks me in the eye for just a second longer than a breath, and he kisses me. And it is amazing. And we kiss for the entire rest of the boat ride while sitting in front of a window where everyone inside can see us. But neither of us care and for the next half hour nothing exists but us.
When the boat docks, I say, “Oh we should get ready to get off.”
He looks at me and says, “We have time. Let everyone else go first.” And he kisses me again.
SWOON.
Need another barf break? Go for it. It’s about to get a lot worse.
Keep in mind, this is still all within the first 6 hours I’ve known him. Sometimes if you are very lucky and you look hard enough, you find your person. And when you do you just know.
I don’t remember exactly when we decided I was not getting on the next boat, but that decision was made at some point during the ferry ride. He told me he had a roommate and tipsy Sarah’s response was, “Who cares? He can just not listen to us and deal with it. He will be fine.”
What a classy broad.
But NAME is classier than I. He told me his roommate was more like a bunk-bed mate in his Navy housing that more closely resembled a dorm, so he said he was getting us a hotel room. There was a lovely hotel just two blocks from the ferry he informed me, and we walked there hand in hand.
Does this feel like a rom com yet? No? Ok how about this. We walked into the hotel lobby that was really more of a pre-lobby. It was 11 something PM on a Sunday so the actual lobby was locked. We tried to buzz the front desk to see if we could get a room, all the while sort of stumbly and sloppily making out. Turns out, we were actually pushing a bunch of buttons that were resetting the security system. Oops.
We eventually located a phone on the wall and spoke with the woman at the front desk who buzzed us in. We politely informed her we were sorry if we messed up their alarm and she looked disapprovingly at us.
Jealous much, lady?
Now, I’m not this girl. I don’t just go to hotels on the first date with men I don’t know. Or the second or the third date, although I haven’t really had any dates make it past 1 in a long time. But this guy. We’d been looking for each other for 31 years and finally found each other. It was magic and neither of us ever wanted it to end.
He paid for the room and we kissed in the elevator. And we kissed outside our hotel room door. It wasn’t gratuitous, it was magic. And we stayed up pretty much all night talking and falling in love.
Several times he kissed my forehead, and I told him I loved it. He said, “That can be our special thing that we do” and kissed me on the forehead again. We both closed our eyes and breathed deeply.
At some point in the very early hours of the morning as we snuggled in bed, we made a plan for him to come visit me the following Friday. He was going to stay the whole weekend and we were going to go to the zoo. And eventually we fell asleep holding each other.
The next morning was approximately 2 hours after we went to sleep. Our 5am wakeup call was brutal, but neither of us cared because what we had found in each other was worth it. He had to get home so he could slip into his uniform and get back to the ship, and I had to catch a ferry to get to work. He kissed me goodbye several times and we stood there with our arms around each other touching foreheads with our eyes closed, just breathing.
It’s amazing to find someone you can just breathe with.
He told me, “I’m so glad I met you” and kissed me again. He kissed me on the forehead one last time. I waved goodbye as I watched him walk down the hallway away from our room, and I already missed him.
Gross, right? So painfully adorable.
I had about 45 minutes before the ferry left, so I took a shower and put my date clothes back on from the night before. So classy. I really needed a toothbrush. I laid back down on the bed and found he’d already texted me. He told me the woman at the front desk gave him judgey face when he’d mentioned I was still up in the room but would be down soon. I texted him a link to that Carly Rae Jepsen song “I Really Like You.” Because I did. I really really really really liked him. I somehow actually already loved him.
I went down to the hotel lobby and luckily they had muffins and coffee available, so I threw some down my gullet. I got to do a Walk of Shame at 5:50am in my clothes from the night before to the ferry terminal with my wet hair up in a giant tangled knot on my head because I didn’t have a hairbrush and my hair never outgrew being thin wimpy baby hair. Luckily the walk was only about 2 blocks and when I got there there were a ton of commuters standing in line for the boat all looking at me weird. Success!
Headphones in, head down, text boy. Smile like an idiot.
I then got to do something I’m sort of sad I haven’t done before. It’s something I have begun affectionately calling the “Ferry of Shame.” I can’t decide if it’s better or worse than a Walk of Shame. Probably worse because you are stuck in one spot with lots of people staring at you underneath several fluorescent lights. Yeah, it’s worse. It also took an hour and I didn’t have anyone to make out with. And it was cold and super breezy because we were on the water. Yeah, Ferry of Shame is way worse than Walk of Shame.
I tried to read a book, but I couldn’t stop grinning and thinking about this boy I’d met. He was just so lovely. We texted a little on the boat but he was already at work. I looked at the photo we had taken in front of the gum wall and I knew this was the start of something big.
We had both told each other the previous evening that this was it. We were both done dating because we’d found each other. While I was on the Ferry of Shame, he texted me, “I’m currently removing my profile from every dating app that has ever existed.” And a little later he said, “This weekend is just a formality as far as a relationship goes for me. I’m all in.” He also told me, “I’m hooked on you. I never want to stop learning about you.”
I have never felt so loved, so confident, or so happy as this man made me feel.
I casually glanced at the clock on my phone and suddenly began to panic. I had to start doing some math and it wasn’t working out the way I had anticipated. I had thought that I would have enough time to bus the half hour from the ferry to my house, change, and then bus the half hour to work. But I forgot one crucial detail…this ferry was over an hour long. I wasn’t going to make it. I should have taken the ferry that left an hour earlier. So I got to do an even more exciting thing called the Uber of Shame. I got to request an Uber to meet me at the ferry dock downtown, and then I had to ask him to take me to my apartment and wait outside while I changed and threw some makeup on, and then drive me to work. It was a $45 ride but I made it to work only 10 minutes late, my heart completely full and a giant smile on my face.
The boy and I were texting the whole time. We were already falling in love and starting to dance around saying it to each other. When I got to work I told my coworker about this amazing man I’d met the night before, and she told me she could tell something had happened because I seemed different. She said I looked happy.
Navy guy and I said I love you on our second date 5 days later, and the rest is history. The whole thing was crazy and it was beautiful and so not like me, but I just knew. He was my person.
Never Compromise on Tallness or Baby Hands 