The Volume Guy – Survived by Sarah

WHO: The Volume Guy

WHAT: Not one, but two random street encounters. It turns out Seattle is a weirdly small place.

WHEN: Summer 2015

WHERE: On the street in Fremont WA

WHY: It remains unclear. This guy either REALLY likes me or has some sort of weird sweat fetish.

THE ENCOUNTERS
In case you haven’t figured it out by now, I’m super awkward and bad at stuff. Specifically, I’m really awkward and bad at stuff with boys. So it probably goes without saying that I don’t get approached by guys when I’m out at restaurants or bars and definitely never on the street. I don’t have a life that resembles a Rom Com where boys are always turning their heads and asking for my phone number. And due to my extreme awkwardness and mild shyness, I don’t approach boys either. This is why I’ve had to online date.

I have had a couple moments of feeling bold, but they are few and far between. Once during Bay to Breakers in SF I stumbled upon a hot tub filled with bubbles in the middle of Golden Gate Park. I wasn’t one of the overachievers doing the actual run, I was one of the degenerates doing the drunken stumble from my house to the ocean. Standing with me in this hot tub of bubbles was a cute boy. I thought, ‘man I’d really like to kiss him,’ and immediately jumped out of the hot tub and ran back to my friends. But then the liquor in me made me bold and I told them, “I’m going to go ask that boy to makeout with me!” So I did, and we did. And then I ran away again super awkwardly because obviously. I’m me.

Once when I went skydiving like 8 years ago, my instructor was a cute boy who was taller than me. We jumped out of a plane strapped together, and our conversation was great as we parachuted back down to earth. Afterwards I went to run an errand with a friend. I told him about said skydiving guy, and he was like, “You should have given him your number!” He drove me back to the skydiving place, and I boldly walked inside. Then I immediately lost all my gumption when I saw him out the window. I told the woman at the front desk, “Um can you give this to (insert whatever his name was here)?” She looked at me funny and said, “Um ok.” I chucked a folded paper at her and ran back to the car. He never called.

And then there is this story, where I gave my number to some waitresses to give to a waiter after he served me during a bad date. He also never called. I think maybe those waitresses threw it away because they wanted a piece of him.

So anyway, yeah. Bad at stuff.

The last guy I seriously dated was someone I thought was going to be my forever. Instead, he told me he loved me and we planned our future and then he ghosted me. Full on disappeared. Yes, that is a real thing people apparently do. Rather than sink into a pit of despair and ice cream like I wanted to do, I forced myself to go to the gym every day (and then when I got home I sank into said pit, but at least I’d already worked off some of the calories).

I was reluctantly walking to the gym from work on one of these days wearing my yoga clothes and carrying my mat. I had headphones in and was likely listening to some comedy podcast to keep myself lucid. A tall gentleman walked past me and I hardly noticed. But then a few moments later, he came walking quickly up next to me.

I was startled and looked up at him as I stopped walking. He said something I didn’t hear, so I took out my headphones already annoyed and said, “What?” I thought he was going to ask me for the time or something, which I didn’t have time for because I was late to my yoga class.

Volume Guy: “Hi.”
Me, growing more annoyed and wishing he would get to the point: “Um hi.”
Volume Guy: “How are you?”
Me: “Um, fine.”
Volume Guy: “Do you have a minute?”
Me: “Um, I guess.”
Volume Guy: “I just saw you walk by and I had to stop and talk to you.”
Me, taken aback: “Oh…um, thanks?”
Volume Guy: “Would it be ok if I hit on you?”
Me: “Uh…that’s really flattering, but…”
Volume Guy: “What’s your name?” and “What do you do?” and “Where are you from?” and “Why did you move here?”
Me: Insert answers in between all those questions that are too boring to type.
Volume Guy: “Are you single?”

At this point, I would normally quickly say no just to get him to go away. He was tall, but he wasn’t my type at all. He did have a British accent which helped things, but not enough. But because I’m so dedicated to this blog and because I was tired of feeling sorry for myself, I forced myself to take a chance.

Me: “I am, actually.”

I didn’t want to go out with this guy. Like at all. But I didn’t want to be single either.

Volume Guy: “Do you think I could get your number and ask you out sometime?”
Me: “I’m really flattered, but…um…I’m not really…um ok sure.”

I figured the worst that would happen is I could give him my number and block him if I decided I wasn’t interested. I gave him my number and we parted ways. He texted me minutes later telling me I am beautiful and that he’d like to take me out that coming weekend if I was free.

I debated going out with him, but just couldn’t muster the energy. And so because I’m awful, I never responded. 

Flash forward several months to a Wednesday in September. I had recently started dating someone who is legitimately awesome and a non-ghoster. A friend convinced me I should do a half marathon with her at the end of November, so I’d just begun doing long training runs on Wednesdays. I was feeling generally great about life and had just completed my first 75 minute run in almost 2 years.

Let’s be honest here. I looked and smelled like absolute garbage after that run. So much sweat.

So I walked to the bus to head home for a much needed shower. The bus stop was about 2 blocks from where Volume Guy stopped me the first time, and right out in front of a Thai restaurant. I was leaning against the wall minding my own business, smelling awful and trying to keep my distance from everyone around me for their sakes. I was once again listening to a comedy podcast, but this time because I like to laugh and not because I was sinking emotionally.

Suddenly, someone walked out the door of the restaurant and tapped me on the shoulder. I thought he had gestured to his wrist so I took out my headphones and was getting ready to tell him the time.

Volume Guy, who I didn’t yet recognize: “Hi, do you have a minute?”
Me: “Oh, um ok.”
Volume Guy: “I saw you from inside and had to come out to talk to you.”

And suddenly it hit me. This guy had totally asked me out before. On the same street. Wearing almost the same clothes. 

Volume Guy: “Are you single?”
Me, super stoked with the my answer this time: “No, I’m not, I’m sorry.”

Smile.

Volume Guy: “What’s your name?” and “Where are you from?” and “What do you do?” and “What brought you here?”

I answer all his questions with the same, short, boring answers I gave him the first time. He appears to have no memory of me and I’m shocked that my Pig-Pen appearance would draw anyone out of anywhere to come talk to me. But I guess it’s flattering? Or he just likes gross smelly people. Or as my boyfriend suggested, he’s just going for volume and asking out every single girl he sees. What a winning strategy.